Friday, September 08, 2006

What is it with me?

Do you ever hate yourself for stuff?

I don't mean in a way that is self-loathing or anything like that. Not in a way that means you are going to end up on a shrinks couch for hours of therapy.

Do you ever just get fed up , in a non heavy or depressive sense, with the way you are?
The thing for me is about grumpiness in the mornings! I am dreadful, barking at the kids, Tracy, the dog, other drivers on the road. I need to change but don't seem to be able to pin it.

I hate it when people say about their issues "That’s just the way I am" to excuse behaviour they are unwilling to change.
It's not just the way you are, you can change! Well at least I like to say that, but I can't seem to change in certain areas, no magic prayer wand has been able to shift some of my issues. But I am not prepared to say "That’s just the way I am"

Heres another phrase that annoys me "what you see is what you get" really!!!! are human beings not slightly more complex than the external image they portray?

I like the sentiment behind the phrase but when you think about it, what you see is not what you get when it comes to humans. People see me when I travel back to England I am relaxed, at ease, no pressure, still opinionated, but generally they see a side to me that is different from how I am in my normal everyday life. They don't see all of me, maybe they catch glimpses of the grumpy me, but not all of me. I am more than what you see or read about on this blog.

I know this is obvious but how often do we label people? I hate it, I have done some stuff in the past, which has been very helpful to me in discovering who I am, management tests and grouping people in specific boxes but it is only helpful, when we realise we are more than a label.

Pet hate: People who think they know me! People I don't know who think they know me! People who think they know me because they have seen me on a stage preaching! People who think they know me because I remind them of someone else therefore I must be like that person!

Heres another crazy statement "I call a spade a spade" a good excuse for bluntness and insensitivity! I like clarity and clear communication. I also don't mind confrontation but there are times when it's better not to call a spade a spade, and let others work it out for themselves.

Don't know where that all came from?

Ah grumpy! Yes that’s me, I'm not looking forward to getting old I could become grumpier.


jonah said...

I gotta say, I am the same way. I was made for Spanish breakfasts. Out to the cafe for some tostadas and good strong coffee. I am about as good as a lump of mud until I've had my breakfast, read my paper and drunk a cup of coffee.

lisa said...

Ah Brian, you're a wee gem. Me? I'm an angel at all times. Or not. I yelled at Byron in the car the other day and it was all left accidentally on the voice mail of a friend I had been trying to reach. Nice! He played it back for us later. At least I realized I had done it immediately. Nothing like facing your private self in public :-)

Rob Finking said...

Yes. Like last night for example. Here is a great example of stupidity for you.

So night before last I pick up this computer game that I haven't played for ages... because it's too addictive (MOO2 - no it's not a game about cows). I think to myself "want an early night tonight, I'll just play it for a bit then go to bed.". Four hours beyond bed time I figure I should quit. Well fair enough.

06:30 the alarm goes off, there is morning and evening. Then last night (this is the stupid bit) I think to myself, "I've learned my lession". Hah! How ridiculous. What on earth made me think that? How could I think I would have the willpower to have a "quick go" on one of my old faves? Early hours of the morning again and I'm finally off to bed.

I've just remembered the proverbial pooch puke verse. How flattering =)

You know I think "hate" is a bit of a strong word though, for me at least. But then Jesus used strong words huh?
I wonder if this is at least part of what he was talking about? I must admit this is one of those verses I find intense, in the same kind of way that an unexpected reflection of sun in your face is intense - I just feel I have to look away because it hurts.

I have to say brian that reading your blog is being a real blessing, God's using you to help me. Thanks =)

Jesus jesus Jesus jesus Jesus jesus Amen =)