Are we there yet?

Sorry for the lack of blogging, life has felt so hectic since our return, I haven't found blogging easy. I guess it's because I want to be positive and feel if I am anything but positive I would be doing a God a disservice because of all the great things he has done for us. I try to focus on Him remembering that we have jobs, we have a home, we have health, we have each other, that is all true and all so good.

Underneath all of that I am still struggling with unease, I feel unsettled, I feel a bit lost, I feel a sense of loss!

My boys have become invisible immigrants, they look British, the speak accent-less English, they dress in an appropriate manner but inside they are this international mix of Spanish, English and they are struggling. If your children aren't happy thats not so good. You have the questions that run through your mind like "Have we screwed their lives up?". I am pretty sure we haven't but it is a tape that plays out in my head!

Then we are back in our old house, our old church and it feels odd. Church is great but it's not what we are used to and if I am honest I guess we are finding it a struggle to make friends, although we are not lonely! You see thats it right there, life is full of paradoxes!

Surrounded by loads of old friends and family, yet feel lonely!
In our home that we own, yet feel like visitors!
In the land that we originate from, yet feel like foreigners!
In a church we love, yet feel like outsiders!

Our rhythms have changed, maybe we were presumptuous to feel we would settle quickly. I know people tell you it will take a while and the mistake we have made is believing that once all the external factors are in place we will be settled.

But that is failure to recognise the internal displacement we feel right now!

Are we there yet? Externally yes, Internally no.

We are not depressed, if anything we do feel blessed. I am just trying to articulate the internal battle of resettlement!

Maybe I am guilty of this myself I often look at what is going on for people externally and assume they are all good, when the deeper questions are about what is going on on the inside.

Don't get me wrong people have been asking how we are doing? but we have defaulted to saying "fine" because we really don't want to seem gloomy and we also don't want to vulnerabate in front of everyone! but here I am blogging about it, so the truth is out.

We are not there yet, but we recognise that we are on a Journey and "God is with us on the journey" and we will get there, eventually.

Last Visitor

Ian Nicholson is here at the moment, Ian heads up 24-7 prayer in Europe and has been overseeing Tracy and myself since we came here in March 2005. He has been a faithful friend and encouragement throughout that whole time. He normally gets off a plane and listens to me moan about all sorts of random stuff for about 3 hours then it all settles down and he brings wisdom, friendship and love.

Ian is one of the people who helped us stay the course, he has been an encouragement to us as a family and a real strength to the work here.

So last night we toasted our time with Ian and enjoyed a lovely little glass of champagne and gave God the glory for allowing us all to have been on this journey together.

What is lovely is that I will continue to work with Ian in my new role within the UK.

Fortieth Year Highlights

Today I have completed my first year in my forties! It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be although it is still scary thinking you are in your forties and that your next significant birthday will be your fiftieth.

Top ten discoveries, highlights and memories of my fortieth year:

1. I have discovered that I like cashmere jumpers, they are comfortable and feel nice against the skin. Comfortable clothing rocks.

2. Going to the gym, after initially thinking it was going to kill me, I now enjoy going to the gym 4 -5 times a week, I haven't lost much weight but my wobbly bits are firmer.

3. First complete year without smoking a cigar or anything else. (not that I used to smoke anything else, well I smoked weed when I was young... anyway)

4. Emotional balance: after a tricky year up the farm I have enjoyed being in a normal house with just my family about and a lot less stress.

5. Sons. Two boys are the best, my sons amuse me, challenge me, push my patience, play their music to loud, are untidy, and completely random at times but I love them and enjoy being their dad.

6. 24-7 Prayer: this movement inspires and challenges me, people giving it their all trying new things, reaching out to the broken and praying that God would heal this world. I have many friends within the movement and they are such a support and inspiration.

7. Places and people: Belfast, Stanford-le-Hope, Diss, Guildford, Newtonards, Lurgan, Burgos, Tulsa, Southampton, Castlewellan, San Antonio these places and more importantly people from these places have given me much joy this year.

8. My Viewing: Glee, House, Modern Family, The Event, Lie to me, Community and No Ordinary Family have been great television. The book of Eli, The A Team, Robin Hood, The Expendables, Inception, The Green Zone and Iron Man2 have filled my film watching world with action.

9. God: He never ceases to amaze me. The Alpha and Omega, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The work here, my life the life of my family have all been deeply impacted and touched by a God who cares and leads. Words cannot describe my gratitude I just want to burst into tongues; shakadobadnam medahhulokanesh shee trame..... (It doesn't look so great written down, and seriously why do I always start with shaka?)

10. Last but not least, my wife. Tracy is my inspiration she has faith in me she is sexy and gorgeous, she is the glue in our family and without her 24-7ibiza would just not function, the last year has been fantastic for us both.

Anyway there you go, 41 today and very happy....

p.s. If I could have a number 11, which I can because it's my list, it would be my camera.

Blog contributors....

It's my beautiful wife's birthday today.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TRACY

I really like the idea of few other people contributing to this blog, if you'd like to put an article up here then please get in touch, leave a comment with your email I won't publish it.....

Coming down the mountain

I have just sent this out in email form to all our supporters but rather than a massive rewrite I thought I would post it here as well...

Sorry for it's length......

Urgent prayer
Brian has been charged with operating an illegal taxi! A drunk guy we took home told the police he had paid for our services, which just wasn’t true. This is very stressful and we are currently trying, with the help of a solicitor, to convince the local council that we do not charge for what we do. If the truth does not prevail we will end up having to pay a 6000 euro fine, or Brian will be asked to leave Ibiza and not allowed back for 5 years! We could really do with your prayers on this one.

The farm and the future
This is a time of transition for us as a community. Many of you were excited with us when we shared our news about the farm last year; we want to update you thoroughly on that, so the next bit is quite long!

After much deliberation, prayer and stress we have decided to leave the farm. There have been many contributing factors…..

Brian and Tracy have craved a sense of family space and feel that it is increasingly important as the boys enter adolescence. The layout of the farmhouse does not lend itself to this.

Bruce would much prefer to be close to San Antonio to facilitate developing relationships with people who live here all year round.

Helen will not be here for the winter; after faithfully honouring her initial 3 year commitment to the work here, she will being going on a 5/6 month furlough back to Germany. Please add your prayers to hers as she asks God to show her whether to return to Ibiza at the end of that time.

All of us need to live in a place that feels like home – although we have tried hard, we acknowledge that the farm has not been that for any of us.

We have recognized that we do not have enough people here to realize the dreams that we had of offering a place of refuge and respite in addition to the rest of our work. Although we have been able to use the farm as a place of hospitality, there is not anything that we have done here that we would not have been able to offer if we had been living as we did previously.

We have not found that living here enhances the work that we are already doing; in reality it could even detract with the additional work that is involved in looking after the property and basic amenities. ‘Living simply’ is hard work!

The lack of a telephone has been a major factor in making us feel disconnected from relationships with our family and friends who are not in Ibiza and this has been a big struggle.

Although the tranquillity and beauty of the location has been incredible, we all feel that friendships and connections with residents would be improved by being less remote. This is also relevant to Ellis and Dan as they are now old enough to begin to go out independently.

It has been a hard decision; we all felt so sure that God had brought us to this place and people got behind us and supported us financially. We have learned a lot and with the decision to move made, have started to focus on the future here again.

We have struggled with questions. Did we make a mistake in moving? Was there something that God wanted us to do here that we haven’t been able to do? But we are clear that we cannot continue to live here in the same way and have come to a place of peace with God about that.

What next?

Brian and Tracy particularly have struggled with a sense of guilt and responsibility for ‘walking away’ from the farm, especially with the awareness of people who dreamed with us and generously gave to help to make this happen. Those of you that we have already spoken to have been very gracious and affirming in your support for us and the work, which has been a huge relief. We are now looking for a family home.

Bruce will need to find accommodation. This will mean either living alone or lodging/house sharing with others.

Helen will drive her car back to Germany. Someone very generously blessed Brian and Tracy with a new vehicle this year and they have passed on their previous car to Bruce; this will mean an extra financial challenge for him in insurance and general maintenance costs.

We have come through a tough year, a little weary, but with a growing optimism for the work of 24-7 Ibiza. We feel there is more still to be done here in both summer and winter and have not arrived at a ‘plateau’.

When we decided to leave the farm a wise friend said this to us “Little about God's movements and directions in our lives are about the "ministry" itself and more about character and relational strength - that is the Long Term nature of God's dealings in the immediate time and space. The call of God to the farm was the call of God, you were obedient, but you may have thought it was about expanding the ministry when in reality it was about bringing your team together, readjusting the focus of your vision for Ibiza and showing you the sanctity of having a more private family life - a lot of idealism gets punctured in this process, some pain and tons of fruit will come from it.”


Thank you once again for your love, prayers and support.

Help my steering has gone!!!

My Audi A4 used to look like this way back in 1996 when it was made!!! Now my little baby has done over 200,000 miles, the paint is faded, the aircon has become irreparable after numerous re gasses!! and this week Tracy was taking the boys to school when the steering went!! So we are without a car!! and it will take the garage here a week to even tell us the damage and the cost for repairs. By the way Tracy and the boys were fine, it just ground to a halt on a safe bit of road at the bottom of our track....

Like an old pet I think it is time to get rid of my car before it becomes a money pit. We do over 250 miles a week in it which includes school runs, shopping, going to into the westend, football training, bringing people up to the farm all of that, it's generally a great family car. But it has to go, I didn't ever imagine you could be sentimental about a car but I am about this one as it is the car we drove to Ibiza with and now it's going to die of old age on the island. Maybe thats prophetic!

The main reason, other than age and mileage, for getting rid of it is that it can't handle our farm track anymore, we need something more robust.

Having done some research, this is what we are looking for it's a Land Rover Freelander TD4 ES on the 2001/2002 plate with manual transmission and diesel engine. The reason for 2001/2002 is that it had a new more robust engine put in that year by BMW. I'm being quite specific although if someone sees one with a better spec at a good price I would be happy to give it a look. I really don't want to go more than £4000.

The main reason I want to buy in the UK is that the same spec car here in Ibiza would be about 11,000 euros, which is roughly £10,000!!! it makes sense financially to get it in the UK.

You can help me by reading below





1. If you're the praying type a little prayer in the right direction would be a great help, this has become a very pressing need.

2. If your the giving type and feel you want to help us as a family in this way, please hit the donate button or contact me direct, especially if you are in the UK as by going direct we can do gift aid.

3. If you know of anyone who has one of these cars for sale could you let me know.

4. If you have a spare one lying around that you aren't using, I'd be happy to take it off your hands and give it a good home!

5. When the vehicle is purchased I will need some help and a few willing bodies to drive it to Ibiza from the UK, so if you fancy a road trip let me know.

Hope you don't mind me sharing my needs, people have been such a help in the past. This is the price of farm living, I'm not complaining or stressed, feel very calm but I need your help.

Next week

I'm going to make an advance apology for a lack of blogging.

We are moving to the farm on Wednesday, it's going to be a very busy week. Thankfully we have some friends from Northern Ireland coming out to help us, Stevie Smyth the leader of Northdown CFC, Chris Mahood our good friend who was with us in the summer and Brian Houston, no not the leader of Hillsongs but the excellent singer song writer from the emerald isle.

We have a lot of pressing needs, here they are in order of priority if you could help it would be great don't stress if you can't give, if your the praying kind please pray.

1. Internet connection: due to the remote location, we need a special system. As you are aware, a large amount of our work involves the co-ordination and running of teams; the internet is essential for making this happen. This will cost 1200 euros.

2. The property is 200 years old! We need one central wood burner which will heat the rest of the house; we are surrounded by forest, so once it is installed, there will be no further heating costs. Wood burner, cost and installation is 850 euros.

3. With the need for a large amount of wood we will need a chainsaw. This would cost 150 euros

4. Again, due to the remote nature of our property we will need a separate telephone line antenna which will cost 120 euros

5. In order that we can work the land and have enough equipment for others to work the land with us, we will need a selection of farming tools; these will cost in the region of 200 euros.

6. Although we will not become full time farmers, we would like to cultivate several of the fields; to do this effectively, we would need a reasonably hard core rotavator; this will cost 600 euros.

We are looking to raise 3200 euros very quickly. At this present time one euro equals one pound, scary......

Remember this isn't to fund Brians dream of living in the country but God's dream of having a place of respite, prayer and care here on the island.

If you have hope rather than fear in todays present financial climate please hit the donate button.

Please remember us this week......

We have a farm.

As you know we have been praying for a farm or 'finca' base; a place that would be not only a home to the resident community, but also a place to care for and accommodate people we meet who desperately need some time away from the lifestyle of San Antonio. At other times of the year, it would be a place to offer training and retreat.

As we began to look at properties available, we discovered that a 4 bedroom farm with 35,000 square meters of land would cost at least 800,000 euros, and would probably be in need of some modifications to make it suitable and in all honesty we felt a little freaked out by the sheer cost.

Anyway, undaunted, we let our dreams take flight, and imagined a place of tranquillity, a place that could be ecologically friendly, a place where we could grow food and keep chickens, probably just for eggs but I am not averse to eating the odd bird!

Last week, we looked in the local Ibiza newspaper and saw advertised a 7 bedroom, 200 year old farm house for rent with 500,000 square meters of land (over 100 acres) in the hills above San Antonio. We never imagined that such a place would be available to rent - suddenly it looked possible that our dreams could be realised long before we had even dared to hope....

On further viewing, we discovered that this place is powered by solar energy, has 3 wells that collect rainwater to supply the living and irrigation needs of the farm, contains a bread oven, open fireplace and could have a wood burner fuelled by the plentiful woodland around it.

As we got out of our car for the first viewing, I said to Tracy, Bruce and Helen, 'all we need now is for the agent to say there's a little chapel on the premises...'

As we were about to leave, the agent said 'oh, and there is a little chapel - la capellita - just over on the hill there....'!

It's not a large chapel, just a small one man chapel built by the owner to honour the promise that he made to God, that if he survived the Algerian war, he would return to his home and build a chapel.

Surely such a place had to be meant for us! But at what price?

Well actually, just a little less than we are all paying right now. It's been a bit tense because there was an awful lot of interest from other people in this place, and we weren't sure we would get it!

But as we prayed that God would give us favour, we discovered that the owner had a lot of emotion invested in this place. A couple had offered to pay her more euros than she was asking a month, but she felt that they were not the right people for her old family home. She wanted the place to be lived in by children and to feel an affinity with the tenants.

She asked us to give her 3 days to decide whether she wished to offer the place to us; but the next day, we received a call from the agent offering us the tenancy of the property. We have now signed the contract and get the keys on the 1st January!!!!!

So - miraculously - God has provided a farm on top of a mountain with spectacular views of the island. We can see the sun rise over the Mediterranean Sea from one side of the house, and watch the sunset over San Antonio on the other.

There are pomegranate trees, a lemon tree, vines, olive trees, almond trees, fields for vegetables and animals, chicken coop, stables, milking barn, and acres of forests and walks.

We even have permission and space to create 2 more bedrooms.

There are challenges ahead, we have to raise quite a bit of money to relocate and make it suitable for use in the way that we envisage but hopefully it will come. We are talking about 25,000 euros.........

Anyway as you can imagine we are extremely happy and very grateful to God for what I can only describe as a miracle.

By the way that is a picture of the farm and all the land that you can see is ours to enjoy!

Ibiza Baptism

Yesterday about 20 of us went to the beach for a baptism



We baptised Kris who has been coming to Ibiza for years, he hooked up with a 24-7 prayer team in 2003 and each year a variety of people have loved him and nudged him nearer to the kingdom. His mother and family have prayed for him for years and last year he finally gave his life to Jesus.



It was such a blessing because Kris lived with us for 4 month last summer and he became practically one of the family, he's like a brother to Ellis and Dan it has been so good to be part of his journey and walk through his decision to follow Jesus with him. We've spent many hours in conversation through his messy moments and his good moments but mainly we just cooked for him, prayed for him and lived as christians in front of him.

He asked Tracy and I to baptise him, it was an honour and very emotional for both of us, when we moved here this is the sort of thing we dreamed of.

Here we are entering the sea, Ellis and Dan came as well to get the Jelly Fish, but I still got stung! We had to get beyond the seaweed so thats why you can't see everybody else.



What a moment, I cried as we did this, the old is gone the new has begun.



We left the sea happy and with a growing sense that what we are doing here is right but it takes time.



This final picture sums it up, we are called to embrace people and show his love, it's not about preaching it's about blessing, it's not about judging it's about caring, Christ stands with open arms to this world and so must we.

Holiday

I'm off to France this morning with my family for 2 weeks so I will be having a blog holiday.

Just finished our 4th 2 week team.

The guys have been brilliant, it has been the hardest time out on the streets. One of the team got blood all over them from a man who was puking another team member had to put his hand in a guys mouth to clear the vomit so he didn't choke whilst waiting for an ambulance. Generally it is very messy in the west end, I am looking forward to being away.

I still love this place and love what we are doing as a community here.

Hopefully we will arrived back and refreshed ready to go for the rest of the season, I'll write again on the 11th August.

Take it easy

My son was in bed last night and I had to quickly run upstairs to get something out of my room. Whilst I was in my room he came storming in and said very angrily and grumpily "How can you expect me to get to sleep if you are going to run up the stairs so loudly" he then stormed out and slammed the door!

Now my first reaction was to chase after him, tell him off and give him a slap, my second reaction was to laugh (which I did) but my third reaction was "Oh No! he has become like me!!!"

We often worry about becoming like our parents but what about when our children become like us?

Hope you like the picture of the one who slammed the door, I like to think that I once looked like him, and I pray he never ends up looking like me!

My wife Tracy is 40 today.

I dedicate my post to her; the most beautiful woman I have ever known, my friend and lover.

"I can't do the talk like they talk on the TV, I can't do a love song the way it's meant to be, I can't do everything but I'll do anything for you, I can't do anything except be in love with you."

Octopus

Sorry for yesterdays long post, it was something I had written a while ago.

I might do a few posts on discipleship.

Heres some photos from a walk we went on the other day, there was a guy who had been fishing for octopus and in 2 hours he had caught 15!

Tracy picked them up she's not really a wimp but they were extremely heavy.

Discipleship

The Greek word for disciple is "Mathetes" which means "one who learns instruction from another". It was used in the everyday Greek world as the word for an apprentice to a tradesman. A disciple was not only a pupil but someone who copied what their boss did, hence they were spoken of as imitators of their teachers.

A Christian disciple would be a person who is determined to follow Jesus, someone who wants to learn from Him and copy him. A Christian disciple should hopefully be an imitator of their teacher, Jesus. 

What does that look like in todays changing culture? In essence it shouldn't have changed much but it has been influenced by the style of teachers and leaders throughout the centuries. Becoming an imitator of Christ has been affected by training methods, control issues, organisational structures, church style, theology and cultural influences. None of which are wrong but we would be kidding ourselves to think that what we do now is best or what we do in the future will be any better. We just have to find a way to disciple that produces fruit in our generation.

This is challenging, I will try to unpick it in short sections over the next few days.

Thanks for the inspiration Mimou

Oranges are not the only fruit....

Okay so this is not an orange! it's an old tortoise that wanders around the orange grove where a friend kindly let us pick some oranges yesterday.

Tracy with a great pair

Ellis picked the best fruit by climbing and getting the large untouched oranges at the top. Branches would have snapped and my cashmere jumper would have snagged if I had tried it!

Aren't they beautiful?

I wish we had brought a ladder, he's not as small as he used to be.

Ducks and chickens, great for eggs, but try not to step on them.

In case you are wondering my other son Dan was at a friends, Ellis is a great tree climber.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

I was watching my sons eat breakfast this morning and it made me think about being a child. Dan our youngest had a cereal called Ready Brek, just a gooey mess, but it looked so good I had some myself, I like it because it involves minimum chewing.

I then showed Dan how to tie his laces, he's been struggling with this for a while, but this morning he got it, I was so happy for him.

Last week I went with my friend Alain to a place called Craigavon, we used to live there on an estate called Edenbeg. We went looking for my old house but it had been knocked down, the whole block of houses where we used to live is now just a grassy area, I found it quite disturbing. Mainly because this was the happiest place of my childhood, we moved there from Belfast, I think late in 76 and then stayed there till we moved to England in 78.

Why was I so happy there? Well I guess I was 6 so you start to remember things from then but primarily we where altogether as a family. When we moved to England there was all the mickey taking with accents, getting used to a strange land and then our mother dying which led to sadder times.

So for me Edenbeg was the happiest time of my childhood, I remember moving to the house there, it was brand new, we were on a mixed estate with Protestants and Catholics, there was no tension in that, even though most of us had moved from Belfast and the 70's in N.Ireland was quite a tense sectarian time. In fact when my mum died we had catholic friends from the estate phoning my Dad in England saying they were going to mass for my mum. Probably a testament to my mothers great ability to get on with most people.

It was the first time that we had a proper back garden, although being Irish my dad dug up the complete back lawn and planted potatoes! Just in case.....

We had friends called Declan, Fabian, Sean and Kevin Murphy in fact if I remember we were probably the only protestant kids that age. In all my childhood years I can never remember being taught any negative sectarian values, a fact that is true for a lot of people from home. We would hang out together building dens, playing football and exploring, in those days a 6 year old could disappear for hours without anyone getting stressed. We would explore on building sites, as the rest of Craigavon was still being built, loads of fun when you are young. We would get these black bands that go inside pipes they were made of rubber and then put them on a 2 foot piece of wood and fire them at each other. We also used to go and get apples from nearby orchards, this was also a good rush as you weren't really meant to steal apples, looking back we probably only knicked a few each and it hardly would have dented the farmers crop, but it felt dangerous and exciting at the time.

My dad owned a Morris Minor, quite an old car, one day on the way to school he was driving around a corner when the door popped open and I fell out. I was quite shocked but relatively unhurt, I remember my Dad couldn't stop the car and felt that the lord had enabled this incident to happen so he could stop in a safe place because the brakes were gone. I always felt a bit peeved with God, that to warn my dad about the bad brakes, He had pushed me out of a car.....

Graigavon was a failed experiment in social integration years later it became quite a deprived, divided community, but for me it was the best place I ever lived. I sometimes wish I could go back to those times and that place.

Do you think I should have let him watch Casino Royale?

My boys started back to school today, they were ready for it. Ellis is now a senior and Dan is year 5.

Dan spent all yesterday afternoon dressed as Bond. When we had the boys we said we wouldn't let them have toy guns, but then they just used sticks and lego anyway, so we relaxed.

Family photos

Took these on saturday

Ellis William Heasley D.O.B. 8th November 1995

Ellis is 11 today. So I am busy having fun.

He's a great son, he smiles loads just not for the camera. He gets his good looks from me.

The boys are my heroes, they live here far away from home but cope so well, i am proud of them.

My mums gravestone

My mother died in March 1981, Paul was 12, I was 11, Evan was 10 and John was 4, we had lived in England since November 1978.

My Dad had this headstone put on her grave last week there wasn't one there before. My big brother Paul took the photo, he had never been to the grave before, neither have I.

I will go next time I am down that way.

Family

This is a photo of the HMS Belfast, a second world war battleship which is now moored on the River Thames just over from The Tower of London. My granda was a joiner who worked in Belfast docks and he worked on this boat! I was looking at it a few weeks ago when we were in London and it got me to thinking about family, not immediate family but aunts, uncles, cousins etc..

I have 5 sets of aunts and uncles on my mums side and 4 on my dads side I havn't seen any of them since 1987, 19 years! I have loads of cousins (approx 20) and only actually met one since then. I think we all lost touch when we moved to England and then my mum died and my dad remarried very quickly which may have annoyed them! Anyway from were I was sitting they kind of abandoned us, I talked to my elder brother last year about getting in touch with some of them and he said why should we bother they didn't ever get in touch with us.

Recently I have been feeling like I should reach out to them but living out here makes it hard.

I guess I don't want my own kids to drift from their family like I have from mine.

I am also a crap uncle myself and should work harder at being in touch with my own nephews and neices, but it's never been modelled for me.

It's hardly like long lost parents or anything like that, but do you feel wider family is important?

Should I try to re-connect?