Friday, December 15, 2006

Feeling Rocky

Thanks for the favourable response to my dodgy Spanish.

I am going through a bit of a struggle right now, feeling low. Have done for about 4-5 weeks, didn't want to blog about it, don't know why?

I have talked to a few people about this and they have given me some helpful advice, thanks Pete and Kelly.

I am not to sure what it is, maybe after a really busy summer and mental travelling preaching autumn and now a chilled out winter and I am now feeling very tired, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

I can't help like feeling I am under attack a bit at the moment. I know we can sometimes blame the dark forces for everything and I am a lot more interested in light than the dark side and not really prone to using the attack type language! but there is a sense of someone out there who doesn't want us to succeed.

There is a line in the Lord of the rings, where Bilbo says, "I feel thin, like butter scraped on toast" that's how I feel right now.

There are a few basics that are getting to me, my prayer life and bible reading life has got a little shaky, I guess it started in the summer, when all our prayers were kind of battle prayers, you know "God be with us as we go out tonight, help us to shine etc.." I lost a little of the comtemplative side of what we do. I don't want to do all the stuff and then in the end find out God never knew me!!! I was busy doing his work, without ever getting busy seeking his face....

Also I read my bible in 9 months and have struggled reading it since, what is that? Surely I can't have OD'ed on the bible, anyway I have switched versions which actually is helping. Also reading the Message version or should I say The Enid Blyton Version, which is fun. Read a great line last night in Ephesians "The church is not peripheral to the world, the world is peripheral to the church" fantastic.

Anyway, Tracy has started to notice that I am not very happy, I think even the boys are picking it up, I am trying to cheer up, but can't seem to shake this, I am lying awake at night feeling a bit weary. Sorry this all sounds a bit depressing.

I don't want to come home or anything like that, I am loving being here, enjoying being out and about meeting people. We spent the other day with 5 other families, talked about my faith and all sorts. Love all that stuff.

Tracy and me are good, love life is good, only the usual money worries and God keeps meeting our needs.

Maybe it is just tiredness and I need to let it pass through me.

And yes we all do get under attack, the enemy is not passive, so need pray about that.

God is my Rock


Anonymous said...

Dude, I've just read a good book by John Eldredge called Waking the Dead. He's got a simple but powerful thesis: 1. things are not what they seem. 2. this is a world at war. 3. we have a crucial role to play.

When I came out to Ibiza, I realised you were caught up in a battle when I looked into the eyes of the owner of one of those lapdancing clubs on the strip.

Things are not what they seem. This is a world at war. And you are playing a crucial role.

I'm like you - I prefer to look at the light, not over-spiritualise, keep it real. But real means dark as well as light. I shall be standing with you today.

God bless. May he inspire you through unexpected people and places. You're doing great work.


Kirk said...

Dwell in Shaddai's shadow friend. May you and yours be hidden from view of your enemies. Psalm 91, the chief psalm, the key song of the king. i claim it for you today my friend who is a king.

your armoury will grow while you rest. your treasury will grow while you rest. your heart will burn while you rest. Alas, we never rest for long... the smell of battle gets a wild horse twitching.

kelly said...

way to be real - the world is thristing for honesty. nothing is more beautiful than a faith that has been tried and tested.

Brian Heasley said...

thanks guys, someone said to me last night, it's friday but Sundays coming. I will pass through this.

scot said...

thanks for your honesty Brian, I've got no smart advice I'm afraid but know that we will be praying for you. have a great christmas.

linda said...

It might be a combination of things - Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD - but is that possible in Ibiza?) spiritual attack and needing some rest. Not sure but I will pray for you. I have the next 14 days off work to fast and pray and chill out with God - first hols in 18 months -yay!