Grace

Had another one of those moments were I think someone totally misunderstood me, I hate that. Why do people think they know you after only meeting you once? Why do they think that they can say what they want to you?

I had to access Grace quite a lot, what do we do, defend ourselves? give the person a slap? or just apologise and take it easy. To me the last option is hardest but probably best.

When I was youth leader at the church in Diss I also worked in a bar, we had a Christmas party and one of the guys got really drunk and upset about a girl, he stormed out into the car park and was about to scratch her car up with some keys! The rest of the people in the bar were I worked asked me to go outside and calm him down, being as I was a christian and had built a really good reputation for being calm and kind!

So anyway I went outside tried to talk to him and he charged at me swearing and shouting and was about to attack me, I could have clamed him down, but instead I opted to punch him. The instant I did it I knew it was wrong, he flopped down like a sack of potatoes and I had hit him so hard he needed plastic surgery on his mouth were his teeth had come through his lip! I remember coming back in with this guy walking behind me covered in blood, and just having to leave. I felt humiliated and disgusted with myself.

Obviously I went and apologised but my first reaction was wrong. Grace should have prevailed but instead I lashed out...

That was the last time I hit out physically, the church were good about it and so was the guy I hit. But even as I type this I feel ashamed.

I still lash out verbally, but it's no good.

Retaliation physical or verbal doesn't work, does it?