Friday, November 07, 2008
Had an interesting time back in England in all honesty it was great to be with friends and do great things but there was also a deep sense of not being comfortable.....
I have nearly everything I want in life, nearly not completely. I live with a certain degree of restlessness, I love the U2 song “I still haven’t found what I am looking for” but unlike Bono I can’t sing and he really does seem to have found something.
I guess we where just experiencing what many immigrants feel. Having lived here for over 3 years we are in that place of being caught between two worlds the old world and the new world.
The old world was familiar but it’s gone, it’s changed, it’s moved on since we left, even if we return we will never be the same. Then there is the new world that we have for ourselves here in Ibiza; a world that promises much, a world that is tough and insular, a world that on one level isn’t that welcoming to new comers.
I wonder if even after you have learnt the language the correct way of being here, if you are going to fit in?
You have to become like them but even if outwardly you become like them there is always a piece inside you that reminds you that you are not one of them.
In many ways once you are displaced you may always feel displaced. You ask yourself "what have I done to my children?"
Now before we going any further and you feel this is a self pitying monologue about how bad it all is that’s not how it really is.
This is an inner hidden dialogue, a background tape that runs alongside the pleasure of a great house with a pool, much better weather, a great country that feels safe and loads of beautiful and helpful people who we have become friends with. A real sense of fulfillment and what can only be described as one of the best jobs in the world.
This is just the tension that I live with. I'm happy living with it.
I wonder if we will ever have everything we want out of life, right now I have nearly everything. Still I am restless. I guess it is generally happy restlessness more something to be experienced and enjoyed than feared.