Tuesday, November 02, 2010


Man and woman married, lets say 7 years, man comes home from work each night, tired worn out and distracted, woman (excuse my gender stereotyping) has been at home all day with two toddlers, she is also tired and frazzled. Desperate for husband to spend some time with the kids and give her a break. He's just stressed and wants to watch the news. She gets the tea ready, they both wrestle the kids to bed maybe dashing up once or twice to settle the kids. They watch a bit of Tv then dodge off to bed. Man fancies making love, woman is disinterested there is a brief prod and fumble she makes it clear it isn't going to happen. They both roll over and go to sleep. This becomes a bit of a pattern, maybe at weekends things are a bit better, but there is a gradual cooling off. Nothing nasty, just tiredness, busy-ness and the living of normal life.

Woman takes kids to school every morning, one day there is a new dad dropping his kids off, they share a bit of idle chit chat, he appears interested in what she has to say, but it's pretty mindless 8.30am banter. This happens for a few months, she becomes aware that she is quite looking forward to Monday mornings, after a boring, quiet weekend with her husband, so she can chat to new dad, in fact she gets up 30 minutes earlier to make sure she looks ok!

6 months in, one thing leads to another and they are going for a coffee after the kids have been dropped off at school. He really listens, he laughs, they have so much in common, he compliments her, a bond develops. She thinks about him a lot, and when she does the thoughts make her smile.

A month later they sleep together. When did the affair begin?


Tanya Heasley said...

I believe it's when they first slept together, some might say it's when they started meeting for coffee, but it's probably when she became aware that she is quite looking forward to Monday mornings, here the affair began in her heart.

However, I don't think it matters when the affair began, but why it started in the first place?

Chris said...

I saw this when you posted it a couple of days ago and thought I'd return to see all the insightful comments.....where are they?

When did it begin? No idea. I am not married, so I fear saying something about a state which I have not experienced.

Ultimately it started at the fall. Sometimes it seems to me that things like this are just putting into practice what we all often imagine or think about....

Mark G said...

Wow loads to unpack there....sadly too common...other side being the bloke having affair with a younger woman at work, to have some fun he is missing at home.

How can we respond as the community of faith? The idea that a family is only mum, dad & kids is a very modern one developed in recent history (and puts extreme pressure on relationships). Extended families do not exist much any more in our culture. Churches could be looking how they can make space for young couples with kids to have space to enjoy being together....rather than expect them to lead youth groups, house groups, etc, etc. Let's also start developing pastoral honesty in nurturing relationships (I was very nearly the bloke in my first paragraph). Let's help to provide the conditions that enable relationships to grow.

Diane said...

I agree with Mark. It is to do with the way churches don't look after their couples and want to make the most of the talent.
the affair began when life took over and neither had anyone who really cared, who they were really accountable to. Even in church it is easy to put on a brave face in the home group and be thinking all sorts of other things. Where are the older women to support? Where are the honest people who are willing to say they were tempted to and to say how they resisted?

or perhaps there aren't too many comments as everyone is just too busy to ruminate over things? or to be honest!!

Thanks again Brian X