Tuesday, November 13, 2007


My son was ill today, unsurprisingly by about 9.30am, he was a lot better!!!! Oh well we have all done it and he is now feeling worse again.

When I was about 14 my older brother Paul told me that to fake a pain in my side would get me a lot of time of school. All I had to do was say I had a pain in my right or left side and then every time someone touched it make a bit of a painful scene, he assured me it could almost get me a week off.

I decided to give it a go, a week off school sounded fun. The next morning I told my dad my side hurt, he prodded it and I grimaced, made noises and hoped for the best.

My Dad then said "well we better take you to the doctor". Obviously I wasn't expecting this but if you start the lie you just have to roll with it. The last thing you want is to get caught faking an illness because it's your best bet for getting time of school throughout the years. A priviledge you don't want to lose by getting caught faking it. So I thought I would try and convince the doctor I was genuinely ill.

We got into his surgery my elder brother was there with my dad, we were all in the room, the pressure was on, I had to pull this one off. So the doctor prodded me whilst my dad and brother watched, I made painful noises, he looked convinced, I was winning, I was going to get away with it, a few more prods a few more painful noises and I would be out of there, I could use this illness once a year from here on, success.

It was at this point my 14 year old innocence was robbed, I heard the words but they didn't quite register "I am pretty sure it's not anything serious, but I would just like to give Brian a rectal examination" !!! I was a tad unsure what this meant but I remember a distinct feeling of unease as I watched the doctor put a rubber glove on and then some lubrication. Maybe now would be a good time to confess to lying, but I couldn't, no one likes to be caught out, I had my pride to think of, no one would ever find out.

So overcome with shock and a sense that the world around me was out of control, I had started something now I had to go through with it, I lay there and it happened. All I remember was my brother sniggering in the corner whilst Doctor Motasaw gave me a rectal examination, all for the cause of getting some time of school. He found nothing and I had to go to school the next day, it wasn't worth it.

I am glad Danny has just got a blocked nose!!!

5 comments:

Tanya Heasley said...

Brian you're sooo funny. I laughed whilst reading that and Turaya laughed with me (even though she has no idea what I was laughing at)

Isn't Paul great for thinking up a fantastic excuse for skipping school and then letting your 'examination' happen. Totally awesome. Did you ever get him back for that?

Daniel Jones said...

That's a classic!

Kelly said...

hilarious...

Karenkool said...

Now THAT is a funny story!!!! hahahaha

Mark Robins said...

Perhaps, Brian, your recent bottom problems are a result of this very examination?! Man, did you EVER lie again??