Thursday, April 10, 2008

Summer classes for men


A female friend sent me this!
SUMMER CLASSES FOR MEN AT
THE LEARNING CENTRE FOR ADULTS

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bath? --- group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Basket and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses,
diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

6 comments:

indya said...

:-)

kiwipaddy said...

I know that this is sometimes true but it makes me cross - sorry!

I get breakfast in bed every morning - after my husband (all man, might I add) has fed our 20mth old and our 7mth old daughters breakfast). He grabs a quick bowl of museli and is off to work leaving me to empty a dishwasher, hoover up a few crumbs and enjoy a day with our two children (drinking coffee and playing in parks). He, on the otherhand, goes to work for 9 hours and makes furniture, builds extensions, conservatories, renovates peoples homes, and then walks through the door at 5pm to be greeted with a cup of tea. He then assists with dinner-time, bath-time, story-time, cuddle-time and has to cram parenthood into 2 hrs before bedtime. At 7pm he grabs a quick shower and proceeds to cook dinner. He can cook, clean, is an amazing Dad, husband, friend, runs his own construction company and still manages to smile, laugh and enjoy life. He was incredible throughout the birth of our two children, contrary to stereotypical belief: the first labour experience saw me blackout with pain and the second was a c-section and he took care of not only me but our then 13mth old while visiting neo-natal where our newborn was.

Men are more than capable - I am convinced that the reason behind a breed of wimps as asherred to in this posting is the result of over-protective mothers who refuse to let their kids grow up, play with knives and cut up worms to see what happens. Men who struggle with these tasks in adulthood are the victims of dominant feminist wives/partners who like to maintain so much control over 'their' home ... this results in suppressed men, searching for their true identity and opportunities to shine.

I'd be delighted to see a class added to this list: for women with control issues who refuse to allow the men in their lives to live fully.

Let your husbands take over ... you'll find they do just as good a job as you do and in some cases better! Let them do dangerous things or risk breeding a bunch of pansies. Let them head off with their mates for the weekend and pee into the wind. They'll enjoy themselves and they will be all the better for it.

And so might you...

I am not sorry for my rant ... has to be said.

john heasley said...

Well I thought it was funny.

dave wiggins said...

sign me up to class 12

Karen said...

omgosh.... that is funnnnnnny. I was laughing so hard!!!

Donuts said...

I tend to agree with what kiwipaddy says, but some men also need to be more assertive, less selfish and less lazy. I am glad to say that I can do ALL those things on the list (even though I loathe shopping) and more besides because I love my wife and children and want to bless them. There are some things I can't or don't do but that is why God gives us "helpers". I know this blog was meant to be a fun thing but it's also a sad indictment on the men of our nation who expect everything to be done for them. Let then men be men and you will have a whole lot of happier women too.
But it is quite funny too, esp the remote control one!