I have just been really inspired by an excellent blog called Stuff Christians Like, it's a hilarious blog and well worth adding to your favourites.
It got me thinking about "why you could be forgiven for not taking your friends to a church service" especially a happy clappy charismatic service.
1. You're asked to raise your hand if this is your first time.
2. Prophetic guy standing next to you gets a sword out and starts to wield it above his head in an act of prophetic worship, your friend could be forgiven if he just ran out at this point to avoid being killed in the massacre.
3. Ladies in lilac, they smile, they look safe but they are overly coordinated and this is a worry.
4. The worship leader says "lets all just sing our own songs to the Lord"
5. Flag dancing, especially large flags, often swung dangerously low totally distracting you and getting you worried for fellow worshippers who are sitting to close.
6. Christian dancing in general, basically this means bouncing, not always in rhythm.
7. Prophetic dance, this normally involves a woman in leggings and a large t-shirt, so that you don't get led into lust, who starts of kneeling and then offers some invisible thing (possibly a small hamster) dramatically up to the sky
8. Prophetic songs, normally delivered by a frustrated Michael Bolton type, who the worship team wouldn't touch with a barge pole and who would definitely make the comedy section of xfactor.
9. Hour long worship sets that only include 3 songs
10. Special guest christian mime artist, normally doing a mime to a Carmen or Don Francisco song.
11. Toronto man, he's not moved on and somehow you sit next to him, he doubles up and shakes for 30 minutes, you have to reassure your friend he is okay and that it's just the Lord.
12. Young mothers who sit in front of you and continually bend over to help their children, always revealing diamante studded thong during reflective quite times, this will not help your friend focus on Jesus.
13. Group of young men sitting at back looking unhappy, you have to reassure your friend that if he needs to go out to the toilet it's okay they won't mug him.
There are probably more.......