Friday, December 19, 2008

Why you could be forgiven for not taking your friends to church

I have just been really inspired by an excellent blog called Stuff Christians Like, it's a hilarious blog and well worth adding to your favourites.

It got me thinking about "why you could be forgiven for not taking your friends to a church service" especially a happy clappy charismatic service.

1. You're asked to raise your hand if this is your first time.

2. Prophetic guy standing next to you gets a sword out and starts to wield it above his head in an act of prophetic worship, your friend could be forgiven if he just ran out at this point to avoid being killed in the massacre.

3. Ladies in lilac, they smile, they look safe but they are overly coordinated and this is a worry.

4. The worship leader says "lets all just sing our own songs to the Lord"

5. Flag dancing, especially large flags, often swung dangerously low totally distracting you and getting you worried for fellow worshippers who are sitting to close.

6. Christian dancing in general, basically this means bouncing, not always in rhythm.

7. Prophetic dance, this normally involves a woman in leggings and a large t-shirt, so that you don't get led into lust, who starts of kneeling and then offers some invisible thing (possibly a small hamster) dramatically up to the sky

8. Prophetic songs, normally delivered by a frustrated Michael Bolton type, who the worship team wouldn't touch with a barge pole and who would definitely make the comedy section of xfactor.

9. Hour long worship sets that only include 3 songs

10. Special guest christian mime artist, normally doing a mime to a Carmen or Don Francisco song.

11. Toronto man, he's not moved on and somehow you sit next to him, he doubles up and shakes for 30 minutes, you have to reassure your friend he is okay and that it's just the Lord.

12. Young mothers who sit in front of you and continually bend over to help their children, always revealing diamante studded thong during reflective quite times, this will not help your friend focus on Jesus.

13. Group of young men sitting at back looking unhappy, you have to reassure your friend that if he needs to go out to the toilet it's okay they won't mug him.

There are probably more.......


Sam Mooney said...

so true....

Richard A said...

Very amusing and often true. So relevant for my wife and I as we're starting to take someone new to our local church.

There's always the question of how much of (Western, because that's what it often is) Christian culture we should "tone down" if it distracts newcomers from Jesus. Of course, this eventually leads to the question, "If you're prepared to do away with some of these Western Christian cultural behaviours (not including the thong comment ;o)) in the instances where there are newcomers, why do we need/rely on them at all to make up 'Sunday worship'?" It's nice to see children waving flags but perhaps only once in a while and with a clear purpose for its inclusion in the service. Otherwise, they may as well be spinning on thier heads (which would be fine too if it's a clearly explained expression of their worship)!

Perhaps we ought not to take ourselves too seriously, or doggedly hold on to the aspects of Western Christian Church culture and routine that we are used to or are comfortable with, or are too scared to change. Then, perhaps (and this is a question) more new visitors would leave their church experience with a clearer appreciation of who Jesus is for them rather than with uncertainty about Church culture.

Mark G said...


Stand up and give the person next to you a hug....maybe do a song with actions to make people feel at home(?!)....

..if we are honest most of the stuff we do in "church" is culturally unique - maybe some things should be - but most of them are probably cultural barriers that make it harder for "outsiders" to "fit in" (and my guess is that they make Jesus weep)

indya said...

Hmm... that blog reminds me of another one, which I think may have been around before it...

Sheena said...

So true! And then there's my all time favorite - the shofar.

Brian said...

guys, good comments, the shofar it to far! It is weird isn't it that somehow the whole thing can be so un-understandable. I have been going to the Anglican church here on the island and there is a lot that they take for granted. Man in strange robes, saying the peace, weird things to say at the end of readings and prayers, all sorts of traditions that outsiders know nothing about.

Duncan Donuts said...

I think I've been to this church!