Friday, May 08, 2009
I want to go deeper???
I guess over the years we have all heard that kind of statement, we have probably said it, or sang it, a deeper level of commitment, a deeper level of spirituality, a deeper level of friendship. But what does it mean? I know on one level it makes sense but how do we do it? Do more, spend more time with God, be more open in our friendships.
But do we actually go deeper?
My hands sometimes feel tied by my history, by DNA, by my understanding of God. I can jump all the hoops and push through but in the end I am still me and I don't feel particularly deep. A friend of mine once said "we spend our lives becoming more of who we really are" but what if I am not deep and just spend more of my life becoming shallow, anyway who defines shallow? one persons deep could be another persons shallow. In fact I find it hard sometimes to relate to "deep" people, they seem so serious.
I like fun and laughter and sometimes can't resist making an inappropriate comment at a serious moment. Not because I don't like serious moments I just get the impression that the world is in danger of taking itself too seriously.
We need to laugh more, love more and have more fun, then perhaps we will become deeper, or is that too simplistic? easy to say if your not going through a hard time.....
I think you are deep if you can get through life and still laugh, but then in the words of Smokey Robinson "take a good look at my face if you look closer it's easy to trace the tracks of my tears". I understand sometimes that depth is developed through pain, I don't like it but it's true.
In my eyes deep people are happy people or maybe peaceful people, people who have found peace with themselves and others in hardship.
Do you ever find yourself in situations where everybody is trying so hard to be deep and profound that you don't know what to say because you are afraid you will be found out as shallow?
People pray long deep prayers that stifle your own short whisper of a prayer. People talk about the Bible like they have the inside track when I sometimes find it hard to make any sense of it all. We become frigthened to say "I don't get it" or "your answer just doesn't seem to work for me" My advice is embrace the shallowness don't be deterred in being you, it's ok to not get it or have all the answers. God can be found in the shallows.
If we link simplicity to shallows is it really shallow? Keep it simple stupid. I don't mean simple answers, because there aren't any, but simple responses to deep questions are better. The response I find myself using more and more is "I don't know"
I don't know why good people die, why the evil get rich and the rich stay poor, I don't know really what God thinks about homosexuality, sure I can quote a few bible verses.... What about tithing.... what about Sunday morning meetings.... do babies who die go to heaven (we'd like to think so but if we truly believe the doctrine of original sin can they??) Why do people who teach prosperity always seem materially rich... Why do people get healed in Africa and not the west... Sometimes I think deep answers to these questions are clever boxes we put God in. We can formulize and define God to easily with clever answers.
Depth to me is about being true to yourself, keeping it simple, being at peace, laughter and living with the questions.