Tuesday, February 09, 2010
24-7 communities and marriage
I’m doing a wedding this week, it got me thinking about marriage in general. When 24-7 prayer started out there were loads of young single people now there are loads of young married couples. I’ve been married 18 years this year and also as a pastor of a church I have witnessed all sorts of marital blessings and stresses over the years. So here are a few thoughts on marriage.
1. Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church, laying his life down for her. This is where I have seen some marriages go worng. A husband is not willing to lay down his life for the sake of his wife. He will not cease his business travel or re adjust his career path for the sake of his wife, He will not lay down his traveling ministry for the sake of his wife, He will not alter his social life for the sake of his wife, basically he will not lay down his life for the sake of his wife…. Then when it all starts to fall apart incompatability is cited as one of the major reasons for break up. Or the wife finds someone who is around and is willing to sacrifice a bit of themselves to be with her. Self and selfishness destroy marriages.
2. Man or woman work hard, come in tired, veg out in front of the TV, have a brief chat about the day, read the paper, make a few phonecalls, check facebook, go to bed and doze off tired and disinterested. Wife or husband drops children of at school meets someone on the school run who isn’t tired who listens to them and has time for them, soon thoughts drift to "what if they where the one?" they are more attentive, more interested, more fun then stuff happens. “we talk for hours, without running out of things to say”……the same can happen to the partner at work; he/she works with a member of the opposite sex 8 hours a day 5 days a week they talk loads, they soon run out of trivial things to share and end up sharing deeper stuff before you know it you have a potential situation on your hands. Man comes home to stressed out wife who has been wrestling with two children all day, she’s tired harassed and just needs to off load, quickly he compares her to the interesting woman at work and before you know it an affair is born.
3. Men who have affairs always say “the sex is great” of course it is… but relationships aren’t solely birthed in sex. Rob Parsons says that in early relationships the sex is always great but in about 3 years time you’re going to come home from work and your new partner is going to say “have you put the bins out?” .
4. A growing area where affairs are born is over the phone or on the internet, facebook, skype, texts can all get a bit flirty. Even voice conversations can get out of hand. The power of the internet for fueling fantasy is immense and small sparks of overtly flirtatious friendly behaviour online can soon start a fire.
5. Most affairs happen in the mind before they physically take place, with men more often than not it is lust, with women it is often a fantasy, not purely sexual more imagining another existence! More women used to use chat rooms pretending to be other people than men!
I don’t know why I wanted to put all this out there, but if you are considering an affair right now. Can I just say it is messy and people will be get hurt. I might try and put some tips up tomorrow about how to keep it fresh.