I am sitting here outside having a cigar thinking about the phrase " I am weak". The cigar is one thing with the health implications and the fact i am a little paranoid about my health.
Probably due to the fact that my mother died of cancer when I was 11, although it was cancer of the womb and I haven't got one! She was a really lovely christian so I will see her again. I get annoyed with myself sometimes that I didn't take more notice of her when she was alive. I guess when you are young you just expect your mother to always be there so you don't run around cherishing all the precious moments, it jars me that on days I can't remember her face, although I have a photo. It has made me weak i guess i get worried more than normal if Tracy is ill, although she is a very healthy person. Occasionaly i have played out funeral scenarios about her and my boys in my head, i know this is wrong, but I am weak.
I had a few short spells in prison in my late teens nothing heavy just got in a bit of a muddle with an over use of drugs. Ended up getting taken to court for attempted robbery, violent disorder, theft and fraud. Sometimes i think this has made me weak not in a bad way just an awareness that we are all one temptation away from losing it. Which then makes me cross with judgementalism! is that a word? I still sleep with a pillow over my head because in prison it was the only way i could get to sleep, because the heroin addicts screamed all night as they came off drugs, and that was 16 years ago.
I think we are perfected in weakness.
Anyway that was then this is now, I am having a melancholy moment.
Wierd I am 36 and sometimes still miss my mum.
Don't want to be flippant about the above and quote a verse just to make you all feel better. But GOD IS GOOD. I choose to believe that.
Let the weak say I am strong.......