I have already written on Kindness here and here but it is theme I can't get away from this book I am reading talks about programmed acts of kindness, how churches, communities and individuals can organise little kindness happenings throughout their neighbourhoods. I am all for planned acts of kindness but I also want to move towards an internalization of kindness into my very being, so that it becomes someone I am, rather than something I do. How do I move towards being kind all the time? Okay I know this sounds random, someones going to say, pray more, become more like Jesus etc.. all of which I beleive is essential, but can I just be kind?
Here's the dilemma, I get tired, I get grumpy and then I am not as kind, it's easy to buy someone a bunch of flowers or do some organised thing but much harder to just be that way. To live generously.
I was in washington a few weeks ago sitting in a starbucks outside Capitol Hill when we got talking to a recovering drug addict who had just become a christian and was living in a hostel. I felt I should give him some money, so I made a mental note that whatever I could pull out of my wallet I would press into his hand, so I sneakily pulled some money out of my wallet and noticed it was $100 bill, I tried hard to push it back in and get a $20 but it wouldn't work, so I ended up giving him the $100, I don't say this to make me sound good, just the opposite really, how come I talk about being kind and following the promptings and then I have a crisis when I get a chance?
I followed up but felt wrong for being so tight and desperatly trying to pull out a smaller note.
p.s Have no had time to spell check this....