Tuesday, June 12, 2007
We made it safely to Ibiza this morning at 6.30am, a good night on the boat and then back to see Tracy and the boys, I have missed them all loads, being away for two weekends on the trot is a real hard thing to do. Anyway we swam today and played football etc… Tracy has done a great job, I would cope if she went away for that long but would find it really hard.
It’s been good to have Alain with me these last few days, his beautiful wife Lindsay passed away 7 weeks ago. At times like these you can say or offer very little, but you can listen, that's what I have tried to do.
I remember reading a commentary on the Psalms written by Charles Haddon Spurgeon when I was about 15 (I know a weird thing for a 15 year old to read, but my dad has hundreds of books so I sneaked a look in a few) , he wrote this beautiful piece on Psalm 23 were he looked at the line “Yeah tho I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil”
He said, “Death is just a shadow and for a shadow to exist there must be a light on the other side”
Lindsay has stepped through that shadow but Alain still lives under it, under the shadow of death is a cold and dark place to live. What can you say.
Words fail me, I guess they do for most of us. We sat tonight and looked through Alains scrap book it is a wonderful snapshot of his beautiful Lindsay’s life, we never had the chance to really meet Lindsay but both Tracy and I were moved to tears.
You know in the end all we can do is stand in the shadow with Alain and wait with him for the shadow to recede, although I think it will always touch his life, it will be there hovering around the edges for years to come. My own experience tells me this.
We will never know truly how he feels, because there is an individuality to grief, we can try and feel it with him, yet everyones grief is a solitary beast. Reading his scrap book, standing with him in the shadows helps us glimpse the mere tip of his pain a partial image of a much larger torment, which in turn should inform our prayers and help us to stand with him.
Words will never be enough.
at 1:13 AM