Friday, February 11, 2011

Praying for a man

Thinking about men today

I do wonder if the longer a woman goes without a man the choosier she becomes, she has established a single adult life and he has to fit in with her, the other view could be that the longer a woman goes without a man she becomes more desperate. Single men can also be far too detailed in their partner choice. Single men can often be preoccupied with their careers, ministries, and money-making-rubbish. Single men are often not looking for a wife but a mother and someone they can have sex with.

Basically if you are a lady praying for a partner here’s my guidelines for what you should be looking for!! or what you as a man should be measuring up to become.

What kind of man should I be praying for? What kind of man should I be?
Obviously I am going to use generalisations and be quite self referenced but here goes.

If you are thinking of getting married, first think about these three things:

1. Don’t think getting married will solve your lust problems, if you masturbated before you got married you will masturbate after you get married. Get accountable, sort your computer out ,clean your act up and walk the journey through with trusted friends.

2. Remember your vows as you travel through life you will see other women that you fancy you will even remember past flames and wonder if they could have been the one. But remember this; you made vows, you promised, and the woman you are with is meant to be the one you are with for life. Keep your promises, remain faithful. Lay down your life for your wife.

3. It’s never to late to call it off if you’re engaged and you are worried that it might not be working out, if you need help and have to have counseling before you get married, don’t do it! Don’t let friends convince you its all going to be ok, if you think you are making a mistake get wise counsel but in the end if you feel its not going to work don’t go with the flow!!! End it. A heart that hurts is a heart that beats, short term pain is better than long term pain. 

Okay if you've got that, here's a few tips:

Work on your appearance - women do, the least we could do is repay the compliment. Self control, self discipline, clean clothes and deodorant go a long way. Don’t let your woman dress you, you are not a Man Doll.

Sensitive yet strong, is that possible? I think so. We need to be willing to express our feelings and even on occasion cry, but then not too teary. Some men just use tears and sadness to win women over, it’s pathetic. I cried at my wedding I was overwhelmed by the beauty of my wife. Woman in general like to listen but we shouldn’t abuse this wonderful skill by always talking about our problems and issues to win the sympathy vote. Strong for me means being able to get a grip, hold it together, take control but also have the ability to release control allow someone else to hold it together and strong enough to cope with someone else being in charge.

Passionate: Love God with a passion, love your children with a passion, be passionate about football (or whatever it is that floats your boat) oh! And love your woman with passion, she should occasionally have to tell you to calm down and take your brain out of your willy.

Romantic: Most women tend to like perfume, flowers, lingerie, jewellery and nice food. You don’t need lots of money to make this happen you just need imagination. (Although I have found it is better to buy underwear than trying to make it yourself)  I have also found that its good to clean the house, write a poem or fix the dripping tap, romance comes in many forms but it needs to be included and worked at!

Decisive: make a decision, any decision just be decisive it’s okay to be wrong, but please be decisive.

Say sorry, don’t just say it because you think that is what people want to hear, live life with the knowledge that you won’t always be right and you will make wrong decisions, be humble enough to admit this and please verbalize your apology. Instead of just using the word “sorry” ask for forgiveness!

Learn to cook, and don’t expect to be thanked when you occasionally do it. Really this is about pulling your weight domestically, not being good at something doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it.

Listen this is very helpful.

Don’t retreat into a cave Caves are dark lonely places you weren’t built to live that way.

Don’t take ladies for granted, there are other men out there!

Be jealous but not possessive, control freaks are scary.

Dance with your woman you don't need rhythm it's good to hold each other and work up a sweat together in public.

Laugh a lot and don’t take yourself too seriously.

Be spontaneous adventure is good.

Be serious when you need to be and don’t try to get out of every emotional or sensitive situation by cracking a joke.

Never hit a woman, never swear at a woman, hitting is worse than swearing, you will swear at your woman, even if it’s just in your head!

Never tell your lady she needs to lose weight unless you feel she is in danger of having a heart condition or developing diabetes!

Don’t believe all they tell you in marriage prep, you should not let the sun go down on your anger is true but sometimes it is just better to huff and puff role over and go to sleep and talk about it in the morning.

Finally don't read John Eldridges, Wild at Heart, it's utter nonsense.


Anonymous said...

Tracy is so lucky!

Brian Francis Hume said...

Brian, good to see you're still going strong with the blog! Thanks for highlighting some excellent tips regarding how to value our precious wives. Also you made mention to those who were single about how even marriage won't solve their areas of struggle. We'll be celebrating our 10 year anniversary this year; however, I can vividly remember the early years the struggle that encountered with lust and the absolute shame that I felt because I was now a married man. It felt as if the shame was compounded. I always thought I'd be able to say "NO" to lustful temptations once I was married. I reasoned that BECAUSE once I was married, I would have even a greater measure of revelation to be pure before the Lord and that somehow this heightened sense of responsibility would be just what I needed to kick the lust habit as a married man. WRONG! I never did find that magic on switch; and I just carried over the junk that I had struggled with as a single man, but now the shame was all the more intense when I'd open that door of lust. Thankfully, the Lord did a deep work that took several years. It was a minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour, day-by-day, week-by-week, month-by-month, year-by-year process. There was no "off-on" switch button once I was married that somehow nullified the lustful temptations that I had struggled with previously as a single man. Instead, it was a process in which the Lord himself had to deal with my selfish heart and bring forth a revelation of Christ crucified so that I could identify with Christ in His atoning work on the Cross!

Mie said...

I've been meaning to ask, why do you think John Eldredge & Wild at heart is nonsense?